Thursday, January 27, 2011

Spice it up a little!

Josh and I have been reading this marriage book together. Not that anything is wrong, I am just of the mindset that what is great can always get better. So, anyway, its by Dr. David Clark (an invaluable resource on marriage and parenting, look him up!) and he says that spouses spend so much time bugging one another about cleaning the house, fixing dinner, working, taking care of their families, etc. etc. that they don't take the time to compliment their spouse.

Remember when you and your spouse were first dating? The compliments would fly off your tongue every thirty seconds!

"You're so beautiful"

"I love your eyes"

"That sweater looks great"

"Oh, the way you cut your chicken is fantastic!"

I don't know, you know what you said. Anyway, the point is that life bogs you down and you get distracted and you forget to take the time to encourage and build up your significant other. In fact, it's almost like all we do is ... and i can't stand this word... nag our husbands. Not intentionally, mind you! But Josh definitely hears, "can you PLEASE put your dirty clothes in the hamper!!" and "really, you couldn't dry off the counter after shaving?" a lot more often than a compliment. And the compliment can be anything. It kind of made me laugh but Dr Clark said that your husband is more likely to do the big things you ask of him (ie: putting his dirty clothes away) if you start complimenting him for the little things he does. Like - "Hooray! You got one sock in there!" Not really that, but its true... start with the small things. Like if he took out the trash or played with the kids so you could clean up the kitchen without interruptions, or gave you a look that said you were appreciated, tell him!

So in order to be more proactive with complimenting each other, I went to Target and found ....

a small mailbox (in the dollar bin!). It sits on our bathroom counter with a little stick note pad and pen next to it.

And a couple of times a day, or whenever we feel the need, Josh or I write a note to each other and put it in our mailbox. When the little pink flag is up... you got it. We've got mail. :)

It can be a thank you, a compliment, or even something a little more special than that. It's up to you. So bring back a little romance to your marriage. Get yourself a little "mailbox" and pass notes like you did in high school. Its actually really fun. And I can't wait to get home and see if I've got a note from my one and only.


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